For various reasons, I won’t get into the specifics of what’s on my mind in regards to work. Mainly for the sake of being professional and also being mindful I know some of my coworkers do read my blog. I do want to share some of what I said in a blog post from two years ago.
When this school year started I lost much of my confidence in the classroom due to some things the happened with me the previous school year at another school. Those collective things (which I will not discuss in detail either here or in my longer explaination) were the reason I decided to leave that school community after one year. Going into this school year at the Mission Hill School gave me the fresh start I was in need of in the aftermath of the previous school year. If I had gone to MHS last year instead of this year I would have stayed on for longer than I did.
As I hinted at above several things happened last year that led to me leaving the school where I was after just a year. By the end of the first week of school this year I had made the decision to part ways with Boston Public Schools at the end of the school year. The little confidence I’d been able to muster was swept away by the end of that first week. I’d been working with children 11 years going into this is school year. For the first time since my time in City Year I found myself doubting myself and my ability to be productive in the classroom more times than I’m willing to admit. Not just that first week throughout the year. In every other area I was fine but once I stepped in the classroom I could literally feel the confidence in my skills shatter to pieces. I consider myself fortunate I not only realized it so early on but I was able to kept the cloud from ruining what was otherwise an opportunity of a lifetime.
The Mission Hill School is known to education communities all over the world. I have wish only continued success to the MHS community moving forward.
…Note the part I bolded.
The circumstances are very different this time but the feelings are the same. When I re-read that blog I wrote two years ago, I remembered what I was dealing with at the time and I why I felt so self-conscious and why I felt such self-doubt.
Like I said above, the circumstances are different. One take away I have from meeting other folks battling depression last summer is the hightened awareness. You’re more conscious of how you feel others might interpret the things you say and do. For me, this year has been an uphill battle just to get out of bed and get to work.
I quoted my past post because I know it will provide some context for those who talked to me about it two years ago. I know it’s not fair to those who will have no idea what I’m talking about and to you, I apologize. I simply can’t say anything more specific than that at this time. There are colleagues I need to talk to first and I will speak no more on this until after I’ve talked to them.
What I WILL announce now to everyone is this will be my final year at my current school.
I made that decision official last Thursday and filed the necessary paperwork. Unlike two years ago, my decision is permanent. None of the unncessary drama I caused for myself two years ago. I talked to my family about it and they agreed this is the right decision for me. As for what I might be doing next year, I’ve set aside some time this weekend to work on my resume. Ideally, I’d like to avoid the excess pool entirely if I can. Open Paraprofessional positions in the district will be made available online on March 1.
In the meantime, I will be looking for new employment opportunities elsewhere. I’ll be much more open about my job search this time around while I’m at it. In the event I find work before the end of the school year elsewhere, I will immediately file my 2-weeks notice. I know I’ve said this before to many people but this time, there the feeling’s much more urgent.